Guilt is a really heavy and uncomfortable emotion that we will all deal with at one time or another. For me, the experience of being a parent has activated a wide scope of emotions with guilt and anguish being in the top 3.
Can you relate? After a day filled with deadlines, an endless sea of tasks all needing immediate attention, and now the kids are whining about homework… it’s enough to make a person crazy some days. So, you try to keep your cool but after so long, you find yourself snapping and losing your temper with the kids (or someone who probably didn’t deserve it..) only to find yourself filled with self-loathing and regret.
For me, this sinking feeling tends to hit after everyone’s asleep and the voice of reason kicks in letting me know that my over reaction was ridiculous and the kids were just tired and needing some real time with me. These nights are some of the most painful nights ever, aren’t they?
You know you can’t take it back and now you’re deeply worried about the long term effects of your actions. No wonder at times it’s so difficult to sleep!
Imagine how cool it would be to be able to take control of this spiraling, painful time and use it to actually heal and improve your relationships.
How cool would it be to be able to use the experience of guilt to enrich and heal your life? Wouldn’t it be cool to be able to figure out how to set boundaries and limits without becoming a doormat? After all, the reason most parents get walked on is not because they like it or even always realize it’s happening, it’s because they feel guilty for hurting or neglecting their children and they’re constantly looking for a way to make it up to the kids.
Want to end this draining cycle? Here’s an easy way to take control and end it with a few easy steps.
1. Identify what you’re feeling. If it’s guilt, know that the root cause of guilt is when we believe that we’ve been unfair to someone and now we are worrying about the consequences. (If you’re feeling other emotions such as discouragement, frustration, overwhelm, anger, sadness, etc. click here to get a great audio that provides emotional clearings done for you. It will help you feel calmer and lighter in minutes. Worth it!!!)
2. Ask yourself: “The part of me that’s feeling riddled with guilt, what does that part of me need?”
I asked myself this question after a terrible day and here’s what I came up with. The part of me that was feeling guilty needed my kids to know that I love and care about them. I was feeling guilty because I had pushed them aside and snapped at them when they wanted “one more drink” or “one more story” because I was tired and exhausted. Once I discovered this need, the message and call to action the guilt had for me was to find some simple ways during the day that I could make sure my kids knew that I loved and cared about them. Once I did that, the feeling of guilt disappeared because I got the message it had for me.
3. Take any actions you can to get the need met.
For me, this process changed the energy of beating myself up with guilt to making lists of little things I could do that would really go a long ways with each of my children. This gave my mind a focus (rather than running rampant with all the ways I’m a failure as a mother) and helped me to feel more close and connected with my kids..
***If you can’t get the need met, the simple act of acknowledging it and giving yourself compassion and empathy will ease the emotion. You can do this by placing your fist on the center of your chest and rubbing in clockwise circles while making the following kinds of statements: (This energy healing technique is explained in more detail below.)
“Even though I really needed things to turn out differently and they haven’t, and probably won’t, I give myself real compassion and kindness. This is really hard and it’s okay that it hurts. I’m doing the best that I know how.”
Forgive yourself and the whole stressful situation.
There is a powerful energy healing technique that works really well to help us forgive and let go. This simple process is designed to activate the heart center where most relationship hurts are stored. To do this technique, simply place your fist on the center of your chest and rub in clockwise circles while making the following kinds of statements:
“Even though I messed up and I’m really wishing I would have handled things differently, I am choosing to forgive myself, the situation, and all involved. I appreciate me for taking the time to get the healing message that was contained in these uncomfortable feelings and I am now choosing to make the necessary changes to heal things now. I’m choosing to feel calm and peaceful and imagine the whole situation as being healed and working out for the best.”