I just found some really great information about guilt and how best to heal and work through it. I wanted to share because guilt is one of the most difficult emotions we all will deal with, especially us moms! Louise Hay, author of “You Can Heal Your Life” cited guilt to be one of the most useless emotions we feel. Can you believe that? In her book she says that guilt actually creates the most pain and suffering in our bodies and is a big contributor to illness and disease.
Yet.. a part of me cringes when I hear it said that “guilt is useless” because there’s a part of me that believes that we need the guilt, like if we don’t have it, we’ll be terrible people. After all doesn’t it seem like the most cold blooded criminals have little or no remorse and that’s what makes them terrifying?
As I was contemplating this question and debating it out with some of my friends, I came across a pretty fabulous answer. I was listening to a program by Barbara DeAngelis and she talked about this very thing!
Here’s what she had to say about healing guilt:
The difference between guilt and remorse: (according to Barbara DeAngelis Ph.D. and Best Selling Author)
Guilt: Makes us feel bad about ourselves.
Remorse: Helps us learn what we might do differently.
Guilt: Berates us for our failures.
Remorse: Gathers wisdom from our mistakes so we can become more successful.
Guilt: Beats us up and holds us back.
Remorse: Frees us and guides us forward.
Guilt: Suffocates us with blame.
Remorse: Showers us with compassion
So clearly, remorse is healing and helps us be better, stronger people... Guilt wipes us out!
When we feel guilty about something it is very debilitating. One of the most paralyzing things about guilt is it keeps us emotionally attached to the past. Think of it just like you would an everyday power cord. When you hold on to guilt, you are literally plugging your valuable life force into that painful memory. This keeps the issue alive and physically consumes your energy to do it. No wonder we can feel so drained and wiped out.
Because our energy is plugged into the pain of the past, we don’t have the energy available to heal our bodies and power our lives. (Ever notice some people’s bodies seem to take forever to heal? They seem chronically tired no matter how much caffeine or B-12 shots they get. Maybe they’re energy is literally missing and unavailable to them because it’s everywhere but the present? Just a little something to think about.)
When we feel chronically guilty we relive the moment over and over again. What’s even worse is not only are we losing our precious energy for today, we are choosing to beat ourselves up over a moment that no longer exists!
When we feel remorse about something it is instructive and can help us heal and improve our lives. We can feel remorse about the choices made in the past and learn from those choices. This can be helpful and give us incredible wisdom and clarity. Feeling remorse for a past moment is okay because it’s about moving forward and learning. Remorse does not keep us emotionally trapped in a past moment.
*****I think all of us ALREADY KNOW this information in our minds. It makes logical sense and we get it. The challenge is getting our heart and gut on board. Being able to physically release it and be done with it so it no longer haunts us, that is the challenge.
So to help accomplish that, I’m including an energy clearing process to get the ball rolling. Do the following process with the intention of unplugging your energy from a painful past event. Use this clearing as a tool to help set yourself free.
The clearing I’m talking about here is called Meridian Tapping. It works like emotional acupressure.
**All emotion is just “energy in motion,” all negative emotion is caused by disruptions in the body’s energy system.
So… this exercise will free up the stuck energy and help you to let go.
Refer to the tapping picture guide as needed.
Using your fingertips, gently but firmly tap the following points while repeating the accompanying statements:
Side of hand: “Even though I logically get that letting go is necessary for my health and well-being, I still feel guilty. There are a lot of weird rules and expectations I have put on myself, especially as a parent. No wonder I’m so filled with guilt. The one thing I really should be doing is taking care of my own mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being and this is the only way I will have anything left to give, yet… when I actually do it, spend money or take time for me, I feel guilty. Hmmmm…
Even though I have this unrelenting guilt, I love and accept myself with kindness and compassion. This is a really difficult situation, I am willing to love and accept myself, I have always done the best that I know how.
Even though I feel guilty for not doing ________________, maybe it’s this awful sense of guilt and obligation that’s been the prime motivator in getting me to do things all along, I love and accept myself right now. I have always tried to do the best I can and what I felt would help.
Inside of eyebrow: I hate feeling all of this guilt. I don’t want to do things in my life that are motivated by guilt and obligation.
Side of eye: I want to participate in things out of love, kindness, open heartedness, and compassion.
Under the eye: When I participate out of guilt, that’s really just a way to punish myself. Guilt is all about self-punishment.
Under the nose: I wonder if there is some hidden need deep inside to punish myself??
Chin: If there is, I accept this part of me that’s trying to make things right, and I’m willing to let it go now.
Collarbone: I think I’m going to choose the experience of remorse over guilt. Meaning, I’m going to gather the wisdom that I have learned over the years and become more successful.
Under the arm: It feels so good to let go of this guilt. It hasn’t done anything for me, except beat me up and make the situation worse.
Top of the head: I’m not being selfish or blowing things off. I’m making the best choices I can that support healing and well-being. No matter what, I respect how I feel and the decisions that I’m choosing to make right now.
Inside of eyebrow: I’m releasing any hidden need that I might still have left to punish myself.
Side of eye: When I look back at the circumstances of my life, I am so proud of me. It was really tough, yet I stepped up and did what I had to do to survive and take care of myself and my family.
Under the eye: I certainly don’t need to be beating myself up right now.
Under the nose: Guilt is a useless emotion. It doesn’t serve anyone, and it’s certainly not serving me.
Chin: I’m going to love and honor myself for working toward healing and clarity. That can only help those around me.
Collarbone: I am choosing to forgive and unconditionally approve of myself. I am choosing to let the past go and open a space for new opportunities, harmony, and healing to flow into my life.
Under the arm: I am now choosing to be free of other’s criticisms. I am done being an energetic match to that kind of pain. I am now choosing to honor and approve of myself so others will sense this new energy around me and treat me as such.
Top of the head: I am releasing the pain of the past. I’m grateful for what it’s taught me and now I’m ready to move on. Things can only get better from here.
Take a few deep breaths and allow the energy to clear and move.
Next is a quick self-forgiveness exercise. It’s easy. Just place your fist on the center of the chest and rub in clockwise circles while making the following statements:
(This activates the heart chakra energy center.)
I am now choosing to release all of this guilt. I am willing to forgive and accept myself right now. I am choosing to give myself permission to follow my inner wisdom and act as I am led to in order to bring peace and healing to my life. This is the best thing that I can do for my family. This is the best way to be emotionally present and available for them. I release any need left in me to feel guilty. I am now choosing to be free to move forward and I am giving others permission to do the same. I’m noticing that my family is healing and benefiting right along with me as I give myself permission to let go of the destructive stuff that’s no longer serving me.
Take a few deep breaths and be good to yourself. If you have a family or are in a serious relationship, just remember every effort you make to heal yourself and work on you, helps change your energy. Your energy, combines with partner and/or family to make couple or family energy. So when you work to clear you, it heals and uplifts the family energy. Everything you do to help yourself, helps and lifts everyone you’re connected to.
****If you liked this article and this kind of information, please come join my Facebook group. It's a private group where these kinds of articles are posted and we discuss emotional stuff and ideas for how to work through it. Click here to join. :)